Inspire | Love & Relationship

How's It Like: Being in an Affair

Jumat, 28 Jan 2022 20:00 WIB
How's It Like: Being in an Affair
Foto: Aleksandr/Pexels
Jakarta -

We don't choose who we want to fall in love with-that is true, even with people who are already in a relationship. Talking from the sides of people who got cheated on by their significant other with tales full of heartbreak, trust issue, despair, disappointment, and many other disheartening feelings is something that we often heard, listen and see.

Even though perspective from the one who does the infidelity is quite rare as well, in this article we will debunk what is it like being involved in someone else's relationship and becoming 'the other person'. We may think that the other person who gets in someone's relationship must be a heartless and impetuous person for doing such a sin, but what makes them fall into this one deep black hole?

As a form of warning, this article will be rather triggering for some people who had gone through this issue in the relationship. However, by unveiling the story from people who once became 'The Other Person' we can have a perspective and take some life lessons from them. To have an overview of this matter, I have interviewed Jen (under a pseudonym) who happened to be the other person with someone who's in an existing relationship.

She claimed that being the other woman was not as easy as how it seemed in the movie, being given presents and affection at certain times since most of the time she always questioned her worth and the future of the undisclosed relationship with the person involved. "Most of the time, I felt anxious and I kept questioning myself, 'why would I want to be in this position?' but he kept telling me that it was real and he was happier with me."

The affair started from them being friends and she admitted that the feelings of interest were mutual even before they knew each other's name. "He was in a relationship that was already messy and he told me he wanted to get out of it and started a new one with me, foolishly I trusted him." Because of his constant reassurance about how he felt about his girlfriend and Jen, she understood and compromised her value as a woman to betray another woman. "I knew it was wrong but I believed that he would start a new page with me, it was already messy between them anyway and it was just a matter of time, at least that's what he said."

She also stated that she never expected things to go this complicated as she never had the desire to steal someone else's boyfriend but it escalated as the statement and confession he gave to Jen were constant, they naturally shaped Jen to have expectations about the future of the affair to be a real relationship. However, as time went by, Jen-who was inexperienced in a relationship, moreover being an affair, started to question the certainty about it to him but he kept making excuses-not ready yet to end his relationship with his girlfriend.

The affair only lasted for 3-4 months between Jen and the man involved, the reason why she decided to end the relationship was mainly that she came into enlightenment about it. She knew that it just wouldn't work between them anymore, he couldn't make a clear decision as he was in a 4-year relationship with his girlfriend when he had an affair with Jen at that time. "I knew it was hard for him and I didn't want to put him in such a miserable situation so we decided to call it off twice in a good term, fell back together, and eventually ended in bad blood."

When being asked about whether or not she regretted it, she did. She said that recalling that 3-4 months of being the other woman was the biggest time-wasting she ever did when she could have met another person who would eventually get into a committed relationship with her. Thinking about it, she also realized that most of the treatment she got was all signs of emotional abuse he did to her, starting from making her question her worth for compromising her value, comparing her to his partner to make her feel good, and he didn't take responsibility of what he did to make her feel that way. Once the affair was over, Jen also realized that even the fact that he put such an interest in another person and acted on it when he's already in a relationship is a big flaming red flag.

Jen also realized that the blame was not supposed to be fully on him as she also took action on it. "It takes two to tango" that's what she said at the end of the interview. However, she knew that it was a mistake for her to jump into and she would never justify people who are unfaithful to their partner and people who are involved in the infidelity.

If you think that they would leave their partner for you, the chance is pretty slim as researchers found that only 6 percent of people who cheat would leave their partner for the other person and the majority of couples can go through this rough phase. Lastly, Jen stated that we all shouldn't settle for less and live our life in uncertainty, everyone deserves better.

[Gambas:Audio CXO]